Solutions to typical conflicts between roommates
It is completely normal that you as roommates have conflicts from time to time. You can disagree about many different things, but often people disagree about more or less the same things. I will try to help you avoid these conflicts by giving you some tools for solving the most typical conflicts between roommates.
Conflict: “We are not doing it the same way”
Often conflicts can encounter if one get irritated by something the other person keeps doing. Maybe it is because he/she is doing the laundry a different way, or maybe he/she is always making a mess. It does not have to be huge differences between you - sometimes it is just small things that annoy you.**
Solution: Try to workout a compromise**
It is very important you are not being too stubborn and only stick to your own methods. You have to be open to other ways of doing it. You will always be different from each other and you will always do some things in a different way, no matter how much you look alike in other aspects. As a start it can be very effective to think about if you could get used to it and just let it pass. Start off by thinking about whether it really is a problem, or if it is just something that bothers you right now. Maybe the problem really is something else.
Moreover, if it is in the beginning of the relationship, I would defiantly recommend you to stop and think about it. Maybe your roommate, as time goes, will change his routines, or you
will get used to his/she’s way of doing it.
However, if you can feel that it actually bothers you a lot, it is important to talk about it. It is important you both feel comfortable at home and that one of you is not dominating everything. As roommates you give and you take, which is why you have to workout a compromise. Think about a resolution you both would accept. Maybe your roommate is annoyed by the way you do things too.
Conflict: “It is always me who buys the shared things”
Not everybody will run into this problem, as you properly do this differently. Some roommates do not share anything at all, while someone shares almost everything. If you for example have chosen to take turn to buy the toilet paper, and one of you keep forgetting it, it can be very annoying for the other person. Moreover, it really becomes a problem when money gets between you, because one buys more stuff than the other one.
Solution: Agree on which things you share and make a list**
It is a very good idea to make a list of all the things you buy from the beginning. Money is one of the worst things to argue about. No matter how good friends you are; money issues can ruin everything. Of course it is different which solution you find most suitable for you, but my experience is that you eliminate most problems by making a list of the things you buy. Simply just divide the list in two and every time one of you buy something for the household, you write it on the list with the price. At the end of the month, you add it all together and divide it in two and make sure both of you have paid equally much.
Make sure to agree on which things that are shared and which things you buy individually. Normally, I would say that all the things you use in the apartment, and not individually, should be shared. This is stuff like cleaning materials, toilet paper, washing powder, and other things you both use.
Conflict: "We don't agree on how often the apartment should be cleaned, and what needs to be cleaned"
This is a classic, which I think most roommates can relate to and have dealt with. You are maybe used to clean your home once a week, while your roommate takes it as it comes with no rutines - or it could be the other way around. Cleaning (and the lack of this) is one of the biggest causes to discussions and disagreements between roommates. Therefore it is important that you make clear rules on how to go about this.
Solution: Make a list and set of rules for cleaning
If you sit down together and agree on certain rules that must be done when it comes to cleaning and the frequency of this, you can avoid misunderstandings and conflicts. You will have a clear set of rules to follow, which you can use to remind each other of how things should be done.
Conflict: “We are not doing it the same way”
Often conflicts can encounter if one get irritated by something the other person keeps doing. Maybe it is because he/she is doing the laundry a different way, or maybe he/she is always making a mess. It does not have to be huge differences between you - sometimes it is just small things that annoy you.**
Solution: Try to workout a compromise**
It is very important you are not being too stubborn and only stick to your own methods. You have to be open to other ways of doing it. You will always be different from each other and you will always do some things in a different way, no matter how much you look alike in other aspects. As a start it can be very effective to think about if you could get used to it and just let it pass. Start off by thinking about whether it really is a problem, or if it is just something that bothers you right now. Maybe the problem really is something else.
Moreover, if it is in the beginning of the relationship, I would defiantly recommend you to stop and think about it. Maybe your roommate, as time goes, will change his routines, or you
will get used to his/she’s way of doing it.
However, if you can feel that it actually bothers you a lot, it is important to talk about it. It is important you both feel comfortable at home and that one of you is not dominating everything. As roommates you give and you take, which is why you have to workout a compromise. Think about a resolution you both would accept. Maybe your roommate is annoyed by the way you do things too.
Conflict: “It is always me who buys the shared things”
Not everybody will run into this problem, as you properly do this differently. Some roommates do not share anything at all, while someone shares almost everything. If you for example have chosen to take turn to buy the toilet paper, and one of you keep forgetting it, it can be very annoying for the other person. Moreover, it really becomes a problem when money gets between you, because one buys more stuff than the other one.
Solution: Agree on which things you share and make a list**
It is a very good idea to make a list of all the things you buy from the beginning. Money is one of the worst things to argue about. No matter how good friends you are; money issues can ruin everything. Of course it is different which solution you find most suitable for you, but my experience is that you eliminate most problems by making a list of the things you buy. Simply just divide the list in two and every time one of you buy something for the household, you write it on the list with the price. At the end of the month, you add it all together and divide it in two and make sure both of you have paid equally much.
Make sure to agree on which things that are shared and which things you buy individually. Normally, I would say that all the things you use in the apartment, and not individually, should be shared. This is stuff like cleaning materials, toilet paper, washing powder, and other things you both use.
Conflict: "We don't agree on how often the apartment should be cleaned, and what needs to be cleaned"
This is a classic, which I think most roommates can relate to and have dealt with. You are maybe used to clean your home once a week, while your roommate takes it as it comes with no rutines - or it could be the other way around. Cleaning (and the lack of this) is one of the biggest causes to discussions and disagreements between roommates. Therefore it is important that you make clear rules on how to go about this.
Solution: Make a list and set of rules for cleaning
If you sit down together and agree on certain rules that must be done when it comes to cleaning and the frequency of this, you can avoid misunderstandings and conflicts. You will have a clear set of rules to follow, which you can use to remind each other of how things should be done.
Updated on: 31/01/2020